Dear President Barack Obama,
I love you.
P.S. I love you in a clean reverent "leader of my free world" way, that's all. Make sure you tell Michelle that. I'm just saying, 'cause I don’t want her coming after me. I mean, I do have the weight advantage, but with height and arm length and strength- she’s got me beat. I, also, can’t pull my “I’m from the South Side of Chicago” intimidation routine on her. I know for a fact that if she though I was really trying something, she’d CUT MY FUCKING HEART OUT. So, it’s a platonic love. And it’s a true love.