10 March 2009

Open Letter to the OcotoMom

Nadya Suleman: A New House And Six Angry, Sad Older Kids

Dear Nadya Suleman (or Crazy Baby Machine, or Crazy Clown Car Uterus Lady, as I affectionately call you),

While I can sympathize with not having a job and wanting to be on TV, I have to ask if having a litter of babies is the most effective way to do that? I mean, I don't like kids particularly, I guess I could start there. When I heard you had 8 babies at one time, I was like "Whoa man. That's a lot of babies!" Then I heard you ALREADY HAD 6 AT HOME, didn't have a job and lived with your mom. Then I was all "WTF? Is this bitch crazy?"

No, really. What The Fuck? Are you mad? I watched that Ann Curry interview and you sound crazy as cat shit. How are you really going to provide for those kids? Your loving presence does not diapers make. And you don't have udders despite your litter of kids.

You seem to be a religious woman. You had six miracles despite your bad plumbing. Maybe, as a way of course correction your tubes were blocked for a reason. I know that's mean, but look what you did when you superseded the natural order of your particular body. You were given a gift.

Then you just got greedy.

Charity Thomas

Open Letter to Dana Dane

Dear Dana Dane,

Since the old days, rap now sucks. Please make it better.

Charity Thomas

P.S. Please tell Big Daddy Kane that he can still come over
my house anytime he wants because he's The B- I- G D- A- double D- Y givin' good and plenty....