02 April 2009

Open Letter to Michelle Obama

Dear First Lady Michelle Obama,

Your husband and his people have been sending me emails for months now. I was sure you'd caught on because then you started sending them me too. After the election, well I thought we'd put this all behind us. But unfortunately, I'm still receiving emails and, well, I thought you should know.

You seem like a nice enough lady. I've even written you a letter that's published in the book "Go, Tell Michelle: African American Women Write to the New First Lady". It appears none of our missives elude publication.

You looked so lovely and happy at the inauguration I thought we could put these minor dalliances behind us. But they continue. I need you to be understanding about this, because I NEED you to be with your old man. You're too important to a battalion of highly educated black girls who have all formerly had (and currently have) perms and have all enjoyed 4 wings with mild sauce from Harold's, if you know what I mean.

But I would appreciate if you could get them to stop with the emails. I appreciate the updates, but I do read Huffington Post.

With Reverence and Love,
Charity Thomas

Open Letter to President Barack Obama

Dear President Barack Obama,

I love you.

Charity Thomas

P.S. I love you in a clean reverent "leader of my free world" way, that's all. Make sure you tell Michelle that. I'm just saying, 'cause I don’t want her coming after me. I mean, I do have the weight advantage, but with height and arm length and strength- she’s got me beat. I, also, can’t pull my “I’m from the South Side of Chicago” intimidation routine on her. I know for a fact that if she though I was really trying something, she’d CUT MY FUCKING HEART OUT. So, it’s a platonic love. And it’s a true love.